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‘The Onion’ Remembers Betty White
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‘The Onion’ Remembers Betty White

Betty White died on Dec. 31, 2021, after an entertainment career spanning seven decades. The Onion looks back at the most memorable moments from her star-studded life.

1922: Betty White born in Oak Park, IL in front of a live studio audience.

1923–1944: Selfishly doesn’t appear on television despite being alive and therefore technically capable of acting.

1939: Hollywood casting director declares, “Now hold on a second, missy. Dames can’t be funny. It’s unnatural!”

1944: Pauses career for World War II to volunteer as an Army sniper.

1956–1974: Allowed to host Tournament of Roses Parade one day a year on work release from her 20-year prison sentence for armed robbery.

1961: After getting his heart broken by her, President Kennedy distracts himself with an ill-fated invasion of Cuba that came to be known as the Bay of Pigs.

1999: Oh right, we forgot she was in Lake Placid.

2010: Facebook campaign waged by her enemies succeeds, forcing her to host Saturday Night Live that same year.

2011: Pivots career to profiting off being an old lady who’s still alive.

2021: Assassinated before she could fully ascend to power.

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